Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
