She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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