I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
