It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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