chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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