If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
