Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
