so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
