i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
