You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
