She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just pee around me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
