I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
