Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
