when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
