i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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