I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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