Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
