the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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