literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
