I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she peed on how many people?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
