think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
