awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
