my sisters under your porch take her home
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
there is puke in my bra ... again
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