I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
