Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
third nipple confirmed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
