I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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