My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
