i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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