..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
