Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
