Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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