I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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