my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
