The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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