Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
