She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
