Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
