So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
