im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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