You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
