I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
