I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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