It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
