so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
