i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
