I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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