brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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