I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
