p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
