No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
