Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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