If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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