i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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