I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
