Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
